What I know now after my Divorce four years later by Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated.
by Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated
A few years ago I wrote an article for a Divorce publication called “What I Wish I Knew as I filed for Divorce. I received hundreds of letters from women all over the world who said the article spoke to them, empowered them and reflected many of their same experiences. Four years later I find myself compelled to write an after-effects follow up to the original article for a friend who is in a difficult marriage situation.
What I Know now after my Divorce is that my kids are happier, healthier and stronger after leaving a marriage household devoid of love, affection and full of silent pain.
What I Know now after my Divorce that my kids are learning some life lessons early because of the divorce but that those life lessons need to be learned anyway for them to be happy, successful, fulfilled and productive adults.
What I Know now after my Divorce is that I have showed my children the tools and by watching me they learn how to get through tough situations, recognize and accept the unfairness in life, and to do your best and succeed despite sometimes overwhelming odds. If I had stayed I would have taught them how to suffer silently, stay stuck, bury their needs and let the joy of life pass them by.
What I Know now after my Divorce is that living in that marriage took me very far away from the person I was and made it impossible to be the person I wanted to be. As a result, I have more time, energy and love to share with everyone then I did when most of my energy prior to the divorce was getting through the day and suffering through my marriage.
What I Know now after my Divorce is that I did the right thing by filing for divorce before I did anything like turn to drugs, food or alcohol, hurt myself or hurt those unintentionally by having an affair.
What I Know now after my Divorce is that divorce doesn’t solve all the problems it simply replaces them with others. The difference is that now I am not held back by a draining and impossible marriage that saps my energy to do what needs to be done. I am far more creative and effective in raising my children without someone or something dragging me down.
What I Know now after my Divorce is that I am so much stronger than I knew. When people say you are so strong!!! I said I didn’t know I was because you can’t know what you can achieve until you are tested. So when someone says “I wish I were as strong as you” my response is “How do you know you aren’t?”
What I know now after my Divorce is that happiness is waiting just around the corner should you choose to make different choices in your life. When you create a happier life for yourself in a conscious and kind manner, your kids, your friends, your family are all treated to a delightful , loving version of you.
What I Know now after my Divorce is that no matter how lost, broken, confused and alone I felt that the power of prayer cannot be denied. When you have nowhere else to turn and don’t know what to do pray.
I couldn’t say this at the time I wrote the first article but I can now: Life is good. You can be happy and fulfilled. You just need to put the wheels of change in motion by taking the first step to creating your new life. You get one go round my friends, make it count. Life is too short to live in unhappiness.
Sandra Beck, author, coach, speaker and radio personality is the single mother of two elementary school boys. She lives on a ranch with her 3 dogs north of Los Angeles and is a regular contributor to many national publications.