Archive | March 18, 2013

Bouncing with Style: Forgiveness By Sandra Beck

 

sandra beck

sandra beck

By Sandra Beck, 1smartchick, bouncing with style

Nearly everyone has been hurt by something someone said, did or didn’t do. When my husband left me with two small children while my mother was dying of breast cancer the words forgiveness did not enter my vocabulary. I was so busy managing the day to day chaos of sickness, a premature baby and an ornery toddler that I didn’t have time for anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge.  I can tell you that during that two year span of time where I also went through a foreclosure, and a deed in lieu of foreclosure.  I had to sell my car and my dog died. I heard from everyone that I needed to do two things: work on myself and forgive.

The working on myself sounded pretty good, but the forgiveness part burned in m heart like a fever. See after growing up in church, it became clear to me I never really understood what forgiveness meant. All I knew then was it was something I needed to do.  My friend who was a doctor told me if I learned how to forgive I would be healthier, have better relationships, and have less anxiety, depression and hostility.  Gee, ya think?

I read all these books and went to seminars that taught me that forgiveness doesn’t mean that I have to deny what happened to me or relieve the other person of responsibility of what they have done.  It doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong.  It just means I have to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.   Sounds good.

The one thing I couldn’t figure out was how? How do you forgive when the wrong keeps paying you back day after day and year after year– especially when the affair is in your face in a daily basis and so is the financial devastation in your monthly bank statement?

I tried burning things.  Pictures of him. Pictures of her. A voodoo doll I made. I wrote in a journal mean, hateful, passionate things until my fingers fell off and the marks look like they had been carved there by Satan. I wrote a manifesto and shredded it releasing it into the wind.  I chanted. I meditated. I saged and I burned about 50 white candles to clear out my rage.

Then while sitting in the bathtub at midnight on a Saturday night while my kids slept, I looked out the window and whispered enough.  I was ready to actively choose to forgive the man I married for not seeing the gigantic mistake he made in cheating on me. I was no longer going to define myself by how I had been hurt.  I wasn’t going to teach my children that their mom was so mortally wounded that life did not go on… and get better!

Shortly after, I buried my mom. I let go of the grief of the loss of my marriage and replaced it with the grief over the loss of my mother. I won’t tell you that I have found compassion and understanding for my ex-husband leaving me during such a difficult time. I won’t tell you that I have minimized the hurt I sustained from that betrayal and subsequent abandonment.

I will tell you what you probably know. Time heals all wounds. Chocolate helps a broken heart. Do everything non-destructive and non-intrusive to others during your healing process. If you need to dance around naked in your living room and the drapes are shut and the kids are on overnight do it! There is not one way to arrive at the decision to forgive, it just happens. It happens when you decide to stop punishing yourself for what happened to you.  Bouncing with Style is all about how you take care of yourself as you recover from what life throws at you. You can recover, you can rebound or you can Bounce with Style.

Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is the host of three popular radio shows Military Mom Talk Radio, Motherhood Talk Radio and Poweredup with Beck and Franklin.

Military Mom Talk Radio with Sandra Beck and Robin Boyd feature three books, Searching For Lincoln’s Ghost, A Passel of Hate, and Forever Growing – A Journey of Trust on March 18th

lincolnghostPeppered with Lincoln folklore, Searching for Lincoln’s Ghost offers an authentic look at coming of age during the tumultuous 1960s, exploring such disturbing topics as personal isolation, fear and depression, bullying, social and racial intolerance.

It is 1966, and Castalia Indiana, like most cities of that time, is grappling with social and cultural change. Meanwhile, rumors have long swirled around Castalia’s Lincoln Elementary School. Over its long history, the school has produced two sixth graders who claim to have seen Lincoln’s ghost in the school’s auditorium. When Andi prays on her dead mother’s rosary to be the next sixth grader to encounter Lincoln’s ghost as “living” proof of an afterlife, a complex chain of events is set into motion, including the appearance of a new boy at school who harbors an explosive secret, and mysterious moaning emanating from the dark stage after school. While Andi desperately seeks answers to life’s most difficult questions, an unlikely new friend emerges—a mystical bait shop owner named Ezra who seems to have all the answers she’s searching for.

In spite of substantive themes, Andi’s search for meaning is a captivating journey that will both delight and pierce the heart. It’s a timeless tale about the power of love, empathy, and how the actions of one person can profoundly impact another.

For more information visit www.barbarajdzikowski.com.

PasselBrutal in its depiction of the harrowing nature of war and the price paid by our revolutionary ancestors, A Passel of Hate and its breakneck pacing forge a relentless adventure full of bravery, horrific violence, and first-rate historical-action entertainment.The fact-based novel vividly describes the tribulations and heartbreak of a frontier family with sons fighting on both sides in the struggle for American independence.

Emotions are split and bitter among the Godley brothers as the British led Loyalist army invades western North Carolina in September, 1780. The farms and homes of residents rebelling against the king are plundered and homes burned. Supporters of freedom are murdered or beaten.  The area is about evenly divided in allegiances, but most people want no part of either side.  This is a vicious civil war of neighbor fighting neighbor, brother fighting brother.

Outraged by the brutality by some Tory partisans, Jacob Godley and his youngest brother joined the Liberty Men while their three brothers and many neighbors take up arms to fight with the Loyalist militia.

Reinforced with frontier militia from ‘over the mountains,’ the Patriots chase the Loyalists eastward, catching them Kings Mountain. The Patriots decisively defeat the Loyalists in a brutal one-hour battle, thereby turning the tide of the war. However, it is a bittersweet victory that results in much anguish for the Godley family.

Gripping, visceral and full of intensity, A Passel of Hate is a recipient of a 2012 Silver Medal from the Military Writers Society of America.

For more information visit www.epleywrites.com

Forever_GrowingRichelle Rodgers is a respected professional in the museum, insurance and franchising industries.  Richelle’s expertise has increased the effectiveness of the following organizations and businesses:  Pennsylvania Department of Public Welfare, PHICO Medical Malpractice Insurance Company, Pennsylvania National Insurance Company, Boabab Culture Center, Rochester Museum and Science Center.  As Collections Manager with the Pennsylvania State Museum she was entrusted with the management of 2 million plus artifacts in Harrisburg, and in 17 historical sites throughout Pennsylvania.

Richelle Rodgers book, Forever Growing—a Journey of Trust is an inspiring testimony to how a relationship with the Lord will guide you through overwhelming events into a life of achievement and fulfillment.

Richelle’s story is a living testimony of how her faith has guided her to emerge victorious and will give a voice to those who are overwhelmed by despair and anger.  Her inspirational writing and speaking will encourage those:  changing their business or career; reinventing themselves, forced to start over or dealing with illness, domestic violence or hard times.  Hope springs eternal in both Richelle’s writing and speaking and she isn’t just talk the talk but has walked the walk.  For anyone who is experiencing upheaval or uncertainty, Richelle’s Forever Growing– a Journey of Trust will inspire you to know that you can:  “Let Go and Let God!

Richelle is a U.S. Army veteran whose professional accomplishments have benefitted numerous community organizations and are testimony to her skills and talents.  The outward accomplishments are only part of the story.  Richelle’s relationship with the Lord and commitment to service to him is the foundation of her life story.  Surviving a childhood where a terrible act of violence penetrated family life, where poverty and racism could have drowned her, Richelle grew in strength and overcame all obstacles to emerge victorious and a dedicated servant to the Lord.

For more information visit www.richellerodgers.com

Military Mom Talk Radio is co-hosted by Sandra Beck and Robin Boyd, hosted by Toginet Radio and powered by Motherhood Incorporated. Military Mom Talk Radio supports and helps bring information to the families, moms and wives of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard and is dedicated to serving our friends and family in the Armed Service. We are proud supporters and members of the Military Writers Society of America as well as proud supporters of Operation Gratitude, Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS), Shining Service Worldwide, Fisher House and the Girl Scouts of the USA and Boy Scouts of America.