Do I need My Ears Checked? By Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated

By Sandra Beck


Your co-workers


windsockThey say: “Oh my! Three children – you must have your hands full”

I hear: Have you never heard of family planning?


They say: “We appreciate you have family commitments”

I hear; “YOUR family. Not MY family. Don’t make them MY problem”


They say: “I’m sorry to hear you’ve been unwell”

I hear: “Aye carumba – sit down woman. I don’t want you to deliver your baby right here”


They say: “And how is little Max?”

I hear: “Give that child some vitamins, for Pete’s sake. That’s the third virus this month”.


They say: “Please come to our party

I hear: “… and it’d be great if you could slip your son a sedative beforehand. Our parrot still hasn’t recovered from last time”


Your friends


They say: “How do you manage?”

I hear: “I’d love to hear that you’ve fishies in your sink. It’ll make me feel better about myself”.


They say: “You seem to have a good work-life balance”

I hear:  “Of course, you’re just lucky your office is a soft touch. It’d never work in MY job”


They say: “It’s no trouble to pick up Johhny from school”

I hear: “Do I look like a creche?”


They say: “We’ve had endless trouble with headlice”

I hear: “… and I can’t help but noticed your son ITCHING”