I used to be a high energy person. I used to have boundless ethusiasm for pretty much about anything, but lately I have been so tired. I don’t know if it working from home on a business, then leaving my business to work on my home as a home maker, but lately I don’t even want to make the effort to make brownies, which usually is a quickfix to about anything from booboos to lost clients — a real family brownie love affair in this house.
I think choosing to have children in my late thirties gave me wisdom, control and understanding I would not have had in my 20s. However, when I watch my 22 year old babysitter run around the yard with a gleeful delight that rivals my 1 and 3 year old, I can’t help but feel envious of her free spirit, her energy and her slimness. She is lithe and light like an angel — and I feel heavy and burdoned in comparison.
As I sat here typing my woes, I am reminded of an article I read in Oprah’s magazine about giving myself permission to rest. My kids nap. My babysitter lives at home while completing her studies and she raves about her mom’s dinners. I am dinner. I am lunch. I am paycheck. I am cleaning. I am shopping. I am folding, sorting and putting away. I am tired.
I don’t think after years of running a household and raising children that I know how to relax anymore. There always seems to be something that needs my attention — mending, the dogs, the fish, the plants….I guess having a rich full life means skipping sleep. There are nights I work late in my office until the sun comes up while my children and husband sleep just to keep up with it all.
I know I need to set some groud rules, everyone tells me that. And they tell me to go on a date with my husband. They tell me to take quiet time for the baby. They are right. I know I need to give myself permission to rest. Permission to rest.
It sounds good, but how do I do that?