Tag Archive | moms teaching children

Teaching Your Kids Responsability by Susan A. Haid, Lily's Truth

by Susan A. Haid

How long of a tether do you keep on your kids? The struggle for authority is an age-old dilemma. Who chooses? How much authority should we give our kids? Freedom is something we all need, yet how do we structure our lives so that we get what we need and our children have the appropriate setting in which to make their own choices, learn and grow?
As long as our kids are at home with us, there is a safety net beneath them. Certainly we want the most for our children. We want them to surpass our goals and achieve ones of their own. So we want them to grow. We want them to face challenges. As parents, where do we begin? How do we know what is appropriate, and how do we know exactly what our kids need to do to learn responsibility? This is a nagging question, and although there is no easy way through the parenting process, there are certain basic things we can do to help our kids become responsible adults.

Here are 5 basic strategies to help kids learn the basics:

1. Help kids develop knowledge of themselves and appreciation of their individuality. We must give our kids the freedom to choose which activities and interests they wish to explore. It is our job to facilitate their discovery of their individual and very personal interests by listening to who they are and what they tell us. This means we do not impose our interests and ideas upon them. After offering to them various different opportunities, we accept and support their choices without judgment.

2. Help kids take ownership of their choices. We need to look at every experience our kids have as an opportunity to cultivate self-understanding. This means that when our kids make choices for themselves, they learn to evaluate the consequences without judgment from us. This gives them time to figure out certain life lessons for themselves within the parameter of a safe setting. This is far more impactful that mere rhetoric from us. We are here to listen and offer support during this process. It is a tremendously valuable experience to let our kids make reasonable choices cradled within the opportunity to start over when things don’t turn out as anticipated.

3. Help kids learn how to manage their time. As parents, we help our kids to do this by setting forth our expectations of their responsibilities for the day (homework, athletic or music practice, chores etc.) and then allowing them to accomplish their duties independently, of course with a gentle reminder or two along the way. There should be reasonable consequences in place for failure to accomplish general expectations.

4. Help kids to accept their feelings without judgment. This starts with our ability to accept our own feelings without judgment. Our kids observe how we accept, experience and appropriately express our feelings. This gives them the standard for accepting and expressing their own feelings. Then, we must give our kids the space to appropriately feel their feelings without judgment. This gives our kids the beautiful knowledge about how to take responsibility for their own feelings when they are in a safe space to do so.

5. Help our kids to set their goals for the day, weeks or months ahead. We must set aside some time to listen to what our kids are hoping to experience in the days, week and months ahead. This gives us the opportunity to discuss what might be possible for our child to accomplish and experience with our help and support. This helps our kids learn how to take charge of their life by actively pursuing their developing interests by making them become a reality.

Setting forth strict and uncompassionate guidelines deprives our kids of their ultimate authority in the long run. Conversely, setting forth no guidelines whatsoever undermines the development of a child’s sense of authority and mastery over their life.
Let kids see the results of their own choices. Let them hear the impact of their own words. They must be able to experiment with the world before them.

Part 2 of this article coming soon! In the meantime, for more information about conscious parenting, or for more information about Susan A. Haid and Lily’s Truth, visit http://www.lilystruth.com.

What's Your Truth, by Susan Haid, Lily's Truth

by Susan Haid
The term “truth” is an ambiguous term, its meaning derived from some source other than our own. We believe in “the truth” as it is defined by others. We believe it, we buy off on it, and we live by it without ever considering whether or not we truly agree with it. This brand of truth is often couched in a framework that is offered within books, institutions, religions, colleges and so forth. But it is not our own. We claim it as our own truth, and we believe it belongs to everyone. The truth as we experience it through external sources has a way of seeping through our skin and melding into our hearts thus becoming our own. At least, we believe in it as our own highest truth for the time being.
But let’s begin again. First, let’s re-educate ourselves about the real meaning of trust. Trust begins within ourselves you see. Trust begins with knowledge of self rather than knowledge that we derive from outside sources. Do we implicitly trust our own thoughts, ideas, feelings, and beliefs? Or do we disregard our inner wisdom instead turning to information that originates from somewhere else? Have we lost touch with our own inner navigational equipment because, as we search outside of ourselves for answers, we do not see any role models of people living from that place of exquisite trust of self and the grand knowledge that comes from within? Curiously, what do we think Jesus, Buddha and Krishna were doing to find enlightenment? Instead, we go on allowing ourselves to base our beliefs on old, conventional knowledge because this is what is acceptable, popular, and gosh, it sure is hard to be different.
What are we afraid of by stepping into our own truth? Are we afraid of rejection? Ridicule? Condemnation? Yes. Yet, as we take that bold step into the great pool of wisdom that comes from within, a miraculous transformation happens. We find that when we make this connection to our inner resources, we are able to find a solution for almost anything we need. But you would have to experience this to believe it. I dare you to try.
Can we trust that which comes from our own inner landscape? Can we acknowledge that there are resources within each one of us, the source of which stems far beyond our ego and our human mind. This is a stretch for some who deny that the possibility of this even exists. For some, this will be a challenge, yet I stress that it is the human ego that creates the blocks that resist this understanding. Within each one of us, there is a basic urge to find truth. We search outwardly for signs that we can trust our tools and resources that come from within. Yet, in our search, we find that the basic information is not there because we are referenced to sources “higher” than our own innate wisdom. The knowledge is not there in outer guides because this higher power is not “out there” rather it is “in you”. We wrestle with this idea because we have many long, hard centuries of conditioning behind us that has led us to believe we are not in control of our lives and our destiny.
I see that the dark night is passing and it is the dawn of a new day. The change that I speak of is a day that we proclaim the wisdom, the knowledge, the impetus for change is right here, right now if we choose it because it comes from within ourselves.
I hope to see the day when we are encouraged to trust God Within. The most divine and miraculous resources are right there inside of us if only we knew it and would trust it, and indeed, if we would even look there to begin with. Can we honor and trust this aspect of ourselves that wishes to come forth and stand in all its glory? Can we respect that part of us that is willing to step outside of old ideas and propose new concepts that direct our future in ways no one has seen or heard of? Can we be so bold to hear our own words come forth setting a new path and new ways for others so that they too can hear their own voices from within? We set the tone, and those who are in hearing range will hear our song. This new dawn is long overdue.
The amazing truth is, as we do the work to cultivate trust of our inner world, false beliefs fall away. False beliefs fall away without judgment or fear. What gently steps into authority is understanding, compassion and the discovery of wisdom that is beyond compare. This kind of wisdom is infinite and ever-expansive. However, the only road to get there is the road within yourself.
Now, the only question that remains is this, are you ready? I dare you to try.

For more information about inner truth, visit http://www.lilystruth.com for more exciting information. What’s Your Truth? Take the Journey…

Building Core Values in Children by Susan Haid

by Susan Haid

Susan Haid with Family

Susan Haid with Family

There is a dilemma in parenting right now regarding the concept of “core values.” How does a parent build core values in a child? Let’s begin by talking about the innate and natural abilites that exist within a child by making the assumption that there is, in most people, the ability to self-regulate. We must understand this self-regulation mechanism and understand its value in parenting.

To begin with, let me present a metaphor. When a person stands up, there is something called “equilibrium” that takes place. Balance is something that is acquired as one learns to stand up and walk as babies do; babies learn with practice how to build the skills needed to learn to walk about without trouble. Of course, assistance is necessary in the toddler years, but proficiency grows with each new step. After trial and error, and some will-power to grow, the changes occur within ourselves to become efficient walkers. There is nothing about the mechanisms of this but trial and error. It is the same with learning to grow spiritually and building core values within oneself. There is not a lot about it that requires great strength. It has a way of beginning and growing from within itself all on its own, yet most profoundly through experience.

Children are not seekers of great truth; it overwhelms them. A sadness occurs within each child, a sadness that remains when values are imposed which force upon them a highly restrictive right-wrong system of living…a system which may shut down and confuse their innate ability to make conscious, conscientious choices. Instead, maybe we should let children teach themselves in as many situations that reasonably allow for it. Within the perimeter of a safe setting, we can let our kids figure out which side of the fence they’re on. They can choose which is the “right” side or the “left” side. We should understand that each way brings with it its own choices and discoveries. Neither choice is the “right” way or the “wrong” way. Each choice is valid.

This type of learning is experiential. It has its merits. The question, “Which way is the right way?” should be replaced with, “Which way will I choose?” and “How will I decide?” This method supports the development of corrective mechanisms as well as creative opportunities for growth. The struggle may be there, yes, it will be. At least in the face of a struggle, there is an opportunity for growth and change. In the midst of struggle, a desire comes forth that commands our attention. We must be seen, heard and understood for who we are. This resonates clearly as we ring forth our truth like a great brass bell.

This method requires a parent to step outside of older models of parenting into new territory. But it seems to me that the knowledge and the skills a child builds through this exercise comes from within their own domain of experience. This is a very powerful form of learning that far outweighs the benefits of mere rhetoric.

Consider this parenting method in this light; have you ever questioned yourself? As you struggle to find your answer, finally, you let go, knowing you did what you thought was best. You let go. You then must ask yourself, are you “left” or “right”? Whatever the answer, it tells a story. It is a story of answers. The answers speak to you, and you self-regulate. Just like a baby learning to walk.

Sure, there might be a few bumps and bruises along the way. But the main thing is, you learned to walk. You now stand tall and proud.

For more insightful information about conscious living and conscious parenting, visit http://www.lilystruth.com.

Getting More Quality Time with your Family, By Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated

by Sandra Beck

motherhood incorporatedRecently I was trying to plan my year, and then I started laughing. I was struggling to plan my week, much less month or even year.  One thing became clear was that this year I was going to make more time for my family. They need it. I need it.  But the million dollar question was where was I supposed to pull this time from.

I realized that I was doing to much and that I didn’t have to be super mom. Was it terrible for me to ask my son to bring his cereal bowl to the sink. Could I really ask my 2 and 5 year old to pick up the toys with me. The answer was a resounding yes!  It is perfectly fine to ask your spouse and your children to help. As a working mom, I am finding that it means working at home means I can get more done at home and get more stressed. So ask for help, and don’t be shy.

I also realized that I had way to much volunteer work on my plate.  Cooking, attending meetings, changing the world one frosted cupcake at a time is exhausting. I scaled back this year to one charity event at my house and one charity organization a month.  If I don’t go to each meeting, the world and the charity won’t fall apart.  I decided that I would volunteer at activites where I could spend time with my kids volunteering – and if they don’t want the kids at the event I will volunteer somewhere else. Multitasking with this stuff is a must and it teaches your kids to be helpful also.

 I am struggling with leaving work at work – especially because I work in my home. It is all too easy to pop into the office for a few hours when I should be resting, relaxing with my family or just chilling in front of the tv. Moms need downtime too.

So what if your bed isn’t made. I am not asking anyone to live in squalor, but lately I just flip the covers over with a quick tug and if there are lumps -so be it. I sat down and read my child a story instead of tuning the perfect bed. Its just going to get mussed anyway – especially since after reading we wrestled on the bed.

I realized that I had to look at my time as precious – like a banker, or lawyer or doctor – just because I work at home doesnt mean I have to do all the chore – and chores I don’t like to do or don’t want to do can wait or go to the babysitter for extra hours. Hiring the kid down the block to do some of the things I don’t like to do or don’t have time to do is sanity not extravagence. And, it leaves me less tired and with more time to spend with my kids – which is what life is all about!

www.sandrabeck.com

Daymaker Challenge Day 30 Old Fashioned Help! by Dahna Weber, Deb Gillespie and Liam Weber-Nudel

Help an elder cross the street and ask them how they are.  Simple and timeless.  While they may not need your help they sure do enjoy the company! 

P.S. Do it with your kids.    They love doing good deeds. 

by Dahna Weber, Deb Gillespie and Liam Weber-Nudel.  (really it was entirely Liam’s idea…my 9 year old wonderful boy who is super keen on the Daymaker Challenges and on blogging)!

Daymaker Challenge Day-16 Pass It On By Dahna Weber and Deb Gillespie

This daymaker challenge will be really fun for you and the kids! All you need is a little piece of colored construction paper, the kind your kids are always using for art projects. Cut a piece out in the shape of a heart or something fun. Write a little cheerful note on it. For Example, “Enjoy your day”. Then when you go outside to the market or somewhere public, give it to some one you do not know who happens to be walking by. Then tell them to, “Pass It On!” Spread the joy near and far!

By Dahna Weber and Deb Gillespie

Daymaker Challenge Day-15 Cat's Eyes by Deb Gillespie and Dahna Weber

This idea came from my sister, Anita. Here’s your challenge. Take a ride down to your local animal shelter with your children and spend a couple of hours petting and loving up the cats and dogs there. These animals will be so happy to have your attention. Don’t worry, you don’t have to take one home. Just spend some time with them. It will lighten their hearts. If you really enjoy it and have more free time, volunteer at the shelter a couple of hours each month or week. When you are petting a homeless cat or dog, take a moment to look into its eyes and see them shine.

By Deb Gillespie and Dahna Weber